so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
