My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
