She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
