4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
