Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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