when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
