I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
