when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
