sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
