He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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