Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Im part way to drunk.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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