cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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