So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
