dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
