Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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