she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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