im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
