First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
