saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
