I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
