So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
