i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i think i just lost a toe
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
