I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
