Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
