last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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