i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
