Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
