im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
