I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
