I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
