Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize