hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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