i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
