i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
