You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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