His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
