So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
