We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My penis needs a shock collar
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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