i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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