he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
