i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize