just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize