plz talk dirty to me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
