Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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