guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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