Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
