And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
