Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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