Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
