She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
