I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
