If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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