Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
