he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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