If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
