you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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