I hate all girls vehemently.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
