i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
