i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
