It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
