He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
