Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
