her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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