We're like a lot better than the average bears
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
