i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
