He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Moan for me like Helen Keller
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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