just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
