I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
