I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
